I can't help but notice it. Is social media, and by social media, I'm referring to the all mighty facebook, kinda like alcohol? Does it lower peoples' inhibitions? I've seen people so chatty and friendly, acting like they are the berry bestest buddies on the face of the earth, awkwardly avoid each other when it comes time for social functions where they have to be face to face. Why is that? Do we feel closer to people when we have a computer screen between us? I wonder why that is?
I often say facebook is the land of the shoulds. In the past, I have been very hurt on facebook by people who probably weren't meaning to hurt me. I am a very literal person so when people gush over me and act like they love me to pieces, I tend to believe they are being real. Because "why else would people act like that," wonders this literal person. I have heard other women express the same observations when it comes to making friends as adults and especially the role social media plays into this.
The Land of the Shoulds...
We should do lunch!
We should get together soon!
We should get the kids together!
We should go meet for coffee!
All of those shoulds are fine and dandy, except....why don't we actually do them? Why, if we are friends, must they remains shoulds? I have heard these same sentiments expressed by a few ladies who are looking for friendship. True, old-fashioned friendship. Where you get together to chat, you know. Not just like each others' statuses on facebook. Or talk about all the things we should do.
I have found that part of the problem is me. Yep, me. Being so literal has it's drawbacks. I often don't get meaningless small talk that is meant to be polite. As I stated earlier, when someone says, "We should do lunch," I really really think, "Hey, this person wants to have lunch with me." I do not think, "Hey, this person is making polite small talk." So that's completely my problem right there.
But also, there is an issue of people not really having time for each other. Are we that busy? I could say I am super busy and that may be true in some seasons, but right now I'm sitting here blogging. I could be having coffee with a friend who really needs a listening ear. Or I could be calling someone up to see how they're feeling.
I think social media distorts how we see each other. Or is it that we, as humans, interpret things with only the few facts we have. Because, of course, that's all we can do. I remember a sweet lady telling me her kids really needed friends. I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. This woman and her family seem very "popular" to me...with many friends, going out to have meals here and there with people. I would never think, "Yep, the Jones family is lonely and needs friends," because from my perspective they were busy with people and social activities all the time. From my perspective...
How do we fix this or do we want to? I know there are some lonely people out there and guess what, they might not seem lonely to you. How do we forge real friendships in this age of social media fake friendships?
I guess we can start by making an effort. When someone says let's do lunch how about we respond with, "Ok, I'm free on Wednesday afternoon. Does that work for you?" If they are busy, they are busy, but if they are always busy or never get back with you to get together, just move along. Keep things friendly, but surface friendly.
Go out of your way to be the initiator. Yep, YOU be the one to invite people places. I know, you might get rejected. So what. Brush it off and move on. I know, "what if this person thinks I'm weird for asking if she wants to get together because we have never done that before?" So what if she thinks you're weird. If she wants to get together with you, she'll be delighted that you asked. If not, she'll probably politely refuse. And think you're weird. But really is it the end of the world for someone to think you're weird? I flat out admit to being weird. There, saved us that little bit of awkwardness. It's not like you know a secret that I don't. I'm weird. :-)
I have decided to start being the initiator. I posted an open invite for ladies to join me for walking in the morning. Baby steps. Next, I will suggest a lunch date. It's just the little things. The worse that could happen is people say no. It won't be the end of the world. After all, not everyone can handle all this weirdness I have to offer.
If, after really really trying, it seems as if no one wants to take you up on your offers, here is something that has helped me. Depending on your circumstances, it may or may not help you. I always have a friend in Jesus. Cliche, I know, but oh so true. Sometimes, we are meant to go through seasons in life where we don't really have any close friends. It's okay. Sometimes we go through seasons in life where we must be a friend to someone who really needs one, but they are not able to fully reciprocate. Be a blessing, if this is the case for you! Sometimes, the Lord really wants us to cultivate a closer friendship with our husbands. Yes, true true. I have found that my husband is my closest friend. He is my confidant, my cheerleader when people do something that really hurts me. So maybe this is a good time for you to grow closer to your husband.
In fact, I would say if you are going through a rough spell with your husband and are frustrated by trying to forge friendships with women, it just might be that the Lord is nudging you to quit looking for friendships to replace what you really need...a closer bond with your man. Just a thought.
What do you think? Do you find it easy to make friends as an adult? What are some of the things you do to reach out and cultivate REAL friendships with people?
For His glory alone,
genesis
Go out of your way to be the initiator. Yep, YOU be the one to invite people places. I know, you might get rejected. So what. Brush it off and move on. I know, "what if this person thinks I'm weird for asking if she wants to get together because we have never done that before?" So what if she thinks you're weird. If she wants to get together with you, she'll be delighted that you asked. If not, she'll probably politely refuse. And think you're weird. But really is it the end of the world for someone to think you're weird? I flat out admit to being weird. There, saved us that little bit of awkwardness. It's not like you know a secret that I don't. I'm weird. :-)
I have decided to start being the initiator. I posted an open invite for ladies to join me for walking in the morning. Baby steps. Next, I will suggest a lunch date. It's just the little things. The worse that could happen is people say no. It won't be the end of the world. After all, not everyone can handle all this weirdness I have to offer.
If, after really really trying, it seems as if no one wants to take you up on your offers, here is something that has helped me. Depending on your circumstances, it may or may not help you. I always have a friend in Jesus. Cliche, I know, but oh so true. Sometimes, we are meant to go through seasons in life where we don't really have any close friends. It's okay. Sometimes we go through seasons in life where we must be a friend to someone who really needs one, but they are not able to fully reciprocate. Be a blessing, if this is the case for you! Sometimes, the Lord really wants us to cultivate a closer friendship with our husbands. Yes, true true. I have found that my husband is my closest friend. He is my confidant, my cheerleader when people do something that really hurts me. So maybe this is a good time for you to grow closer to your husband.
In fact, I would say if you are going through a rough spell with your husband and are frustrated by trying to forge friendships with women, it just might be that the Lord is nudging you to quit looking for friendships to replace what you really need...a closer bond with your man. Just a thought.
What do you think? Do you find it easy to make friends as an adult? What are some of the things you do to reach out and cultivate REAL friendships with people?
For His glory alone,
genesis
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