In the Land of the Shoulds....

I've often wondered if anyone else thinks social media has changed the way people relate to each other. Am I the only one? Hmm, could be. I am kinda weird like that. Maybe I am too observant when it comes to things like this, too analytical. Because I am very very very analytical. I am a thinker. I'm like Steve in his thinking chair...think, think, thiiiinnnnk.

I can't help but notice it. Is social media, and by social media, I'm referring to the all mighty facebook, kinda like alcohol? Does it lower peoples' inhibitions? I've seen people so chatty and friendly, acting like they are the berry bestest buddies on the face of the earth, awkwardly avoid each other when it comes time for social functions where they have to be face to face. Why is that? Do we feel closer to people when we have a computer screen between us? I wonder why that is?

I often say facebook is the land of the shoulds. In the past, I have been very hurt on facebook by people who probably weren't meaning to hurt me. I am a very literal person so when people gush over me and act like they love me to pieces, I tend to believe they are being real. Because "why else would people act like that," wonders this literal person. I have heard other women express the same observations when it comes to making friends as adults and especially the role social media plays into this.

The Land of the Shoulds...

We should do lunch!

We should get together soon!

We should get the kids together!

We should go meet for coffee!

All of those shoulds are fine and dandy, except....why don't we actually do them? Why, if we are friends, must they remains shoulds? I have heard these same sentiments expressed by a few ladies who are looking for friendship. True, old-fashioned friendship. Where you get together to chat, you know. Not just like each others' statuses on facebook. Or talk about all the things we should do.

I have found that part of the problem is me. Yep, me. Being so literal has it's drawbacks. I often don't get meaningless small talk that is meant to be polite. As I stated earlier, when someone says, "We should do lunch," I really really think, "Hey, this person wants to have lunch with me." I do not think, "Hey, this person is making polite small talk."  So that's completely my problem right there.

But also, there is an issue of people not really having time for each other. Are we that busy? I could say I am super busy and that may be true in some seasons, but right now I'm sitting here blogging. I could be having coffee with a friend who really needs a listening ear. Or I could be calling someone up to see how they're feeling. 

I think social media distorts how we see each other. Or is it that we, as humans, interpret things with only the few facts we have. Because, of course, that's all we can do. I remember a sweet lady telling me her kids really needed friends. I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. This woman and her family seem very "popular" to me...with many friends, going out to have meals here and there with people. I would never think, "Yep, the Jones family is lonely and needs friends," because from my perspective they were busy with people and social activities all the time. From my perspective...

How do we fix this or do we want to? I know there are some lonely people out there and guess what, they might not seem lonely to you. How do we forge real friendships in this age of social media fake friendships? 

I guess we can start by making an effort. When someone says let's do lunch how about we respond with, "Ok, I'm free on Wednesday afternoon. Does that work for you?" If they are busy, they are busy, but if they are always busy or never get back with you to get together, just move along. Keep things friendly, but surface friendly.

Go out of your way to be the initiator. Yep, YOU be the one to invite people places. I know, you might get rejected. So what. Brush it off and move on. I know, "what if this person thinks I'm weird for asking if she wants to get together because we have never done that before?" So what if she thinks you're weird. If she wants to get together with you, she'll be delighted that you asked. If not, she'll probably politely refuse. And think you're weird. But really is it the end of the world for someone to think you're weird? I flat out admit to being weird. There, saved us that little bit of awkwardness. It's not like you know a secret that I don't. I'm weird. :-)

I have decided to start being the initiator. I posted an open invite for ladies to join me for walking in the morning. Baby steps. Next, I will suggest a lunch date. It's just the little things. The worse that could happen is people say no. It won't be the end of the world. After all, not everyone can handle all this weirdness I have to offer.

If, after really really trying, it seems as if no one wants to take you up on your offers, here is something that has helped me. Depending on your circumstances, it may or may not help you. I always have a friend in Jesus. Cliche, I know, but oh so true. Sometimes, we are meant to go through seasons in life where we don't really have any close friends. It's okay. Sometimes we go through seasons in life where we must be a friend to someone who really needs one, but they are not able to fully reciprocate. Be a blessing, if this is the case for you! Sometimes, the Lord really wants us to cultivate a closer friendship with our husbands. Yes, true true. I have found that my husband is my closest friend. He is my confidant, my cheerleader when people do something that really hurts me. So maybe this is a good time for you to grow closer to your husband.
In fact, I would say if you are going through a rough spell with your husband and are frustrated by trying to forge friendships with women, it just might be that the Lord is nudging you to quit looking for friendships to replace what you really need...a closer bond with your man. Just a thought.

What do you think? Do you find it easy to make friends as an adult? What are some of the things you do to reach out and cultivate REAL friendships with people?

For His glory alone,
genesis

How is beauty defined?

Well I just don't know where to  begin with this but it must get out of my head and onto my blog. Bunch of thoughts flying around in my head like mad bees buzzing about, searching for the exit.

What is it with women finding their worth in their looks? Is this an age-old problem? I think many would agree it's getting worse with all of the flashy images we see every time we check out at the grocery store or every time we turn the TV on. (Note: we got rid of TV/cable over a year ago and don't miss it!)

Do you realize we would all be happier with ourselves if we stopped comparing ourselves to others? Get this, if you are comparing your forty year old image to your eighteen year old image, you are still comparing yourself unfairly because THAT.IS.NO.LONGER.YOU. We are not meant to stay young and look young forever. No matter what society says. No matter how many inventions they come out with and how many injections they concoct to help you find the fountain of youth. It's not normal!

I was at a party with my lovely friends recently and someone started taking pictures. And that's when it started. "I hope you didn't get me."  "Oh, I look horrible."  "I'm never in pictures."

These ladies are beautiful in my eyes! 

I understand because I'm human and so I've cringed when seeing myself in pictures at times.

But I still think it's sad and it must stop!

A friend of mine posted a video  the other day. It was pulled so I can't link you to it, but it was a compilation of young girls, some as young as five, who uploaded videos of themselves to youtube, asking if people thought they were pretty or ugly. SERIOULSY! I could cry! WHY???

Here's what I say to my girls who are absolutely beautiful! Everyone sees differently. There are some who will think you are gorgeous and some who will think you aren't. That's just life. When it comes to what people find physically attractive, everyone is different. I'm sure we've all seen the celebrities who have been voted "Most Beautiful" but really, not everyone agrees. There is one woman in particular who is not physically beautiful to me. I'm not mentioning names because the point of my post is NOT to tear others down, especially for their physical appearance. It's to say, everyone is different.

Back to the party and my friends, listen up mamas! Your children want to have memories of you. Not just memories of when you were young and thin and...not the mama they knew. They want to have memories of you throughout the years, memories of the mama they knew and loved! Get.In.Those.Pictures! It doesn't matter if you think you need to lose fifty pounds or if all you see is wrinkles. Get in that picture and SMILE! Our daughters and other young ladies in our lives are looking to us to see how we feel about beauty. How do we feel about our own physical appearance? Do we feel we are less than because we've gained some weight? Do we feel less than because, at thirty six we no longer look eighteen?

I see this a lot, not just in women my age and older, but in teens! Teens, for crying out loud! This one young lady (beautiful!) was complaining about her picture. I told that sweet girl to save it because one day she'd look back on it and say, "Wow, I looked like that and complained."  Seriously girls, be happy with yourselves in whatever season you're in.

I will share something that's a bit embarrassing but the testimony of God's goodness just isn't the same without sharing it. My whole life, I've been told I'm pretty. No really, don't stop reading. This is not a "don't hate me because I'm beautiful thing." I remember even as a little girl with my mom in the mall or the grocery store, people would come up and tell her what a pretty little girl she had and that I should model. (Believe it or not, I used to be shy so I would hide when they'd say this.) I was complimented on my looks throughout my life. Guess what: you can tell someone they are pretty all the time, but if they are comparing themselves to others and if they aren't seeing pretty when they look in the mirror, it doesn't mean a thing! Trust me, I ended up with such issues, self image issues, eating disorders. I was actually seeing something totally different in the mirror than what other people saw (apparently.) It was all so sad, so unhealthy, so pathetic!


People say you should tell your daughters all the time that they are beautiful. Hmmm. I can't say I do that. And it's on purpose! While I definitely think my girls are beautiful and I do tell them this, it's not something I feel the need to tell them every day. I'd rather tell them....

to be kind, because that shines through...

to love the Lord and follow after Him because that is what's important and a woman who loves the Lord and seeks Him with all her heart is ALWAYS beautiful...

to have compassion for others because that makes your beauty shine...

to love laughing, really laughing not fake laughing...

to love to make others laugh because a funloving spirit is beautiful....

to help those less fortunate because that's never an ugly quality...

to be quick to forgive because it exemplifies the Father in how He beautifully forgives us...

to be ladylike not only in your clothing, but in your heart because you can wear modest clothing and still have an ugly, attention seeking heart and that is not beautiful...

The women you see on magazines are altered. Either surgically, or digitally or both. And even if they aren't, so what. They aren't you. You are you. Embrace the beauty that's in you. While I do not think I am the world's idea of beautiful, I will not tear myself down anymore. I hope when people see me and compliment me, I hope what they really mean is, "She loves Jesus and it shows. She's so nice and helpful. She's funny and I like the way she tries to make me happy by making me laugh. She's so silly and playful and helps me get out of my sad mood." Those are the things that matter in reality. In reality, we all get old, we all get flabby and wrinkly and gray. Those things are not ugly, no way. Beauty comes from the inside and you will never find it in yourself if you keep looking for it on the outside in the mirror. It comes from the inside. It doesn't come from everyone telling you how beautiful you are or getting a hundred likes on your pictures.It comes from the inside.

Praise You, Lord, for opening my eyes, for helping me to see that I am beautiful because of the changes You've made in me and not because of what I look like on the outside or what others think of me. Praise Your holy name! I am forever grateful! <3

Remember, get in those pics and smile no matter what you look like on the outside! Life is passing by...

For His glory alone,
genesis

I can't homeschool anymore.

Something that every homeschooling mama has experienced before is the Being Behind Syndrome. "We're behind, we're so behind, I just know those kids in school are already doing x.y, z." Or maybe they compare themselves to the infamous Joneses. Those Jones kids are fluent in four languages by the time they start first grade, don'tcha know. Each little Jones child plays an instrument so that the Jones family has their own little orchestra. Ah, Being Behind Syndrome. Is it a coincidence that we can shorten it to BBS? Or....Big BS? Buncha BS? Hmmm...I didn't say it.

There is another syndrome that seems to strike homeschoolers, this time focusing on those who haven't been in the game for long. That is the I'm Not Good Enough (or smart enough or patient enough) to Homeschool. I won't even try to come up with an acronym for that. If you think of a good one, let me know won'tcha?

Last month at my homeschool group's monthly support meeting, it was my turn to share a devotional. I was very excited about it because I knew the Lord wanted me to share this...what I'm going to share here. So I organized it on paper and, wouldn't ya know, I just sat there and talked, never looking at my paper. When I got home, I thought, "I'd really like to turn this into a blog post so I can share all the stuff I missed at the meeting."

There are not many areas in my life where I can say I am confident. That's not because I lack confidence, only that there's not much I do. I'm not particularly skilled in any area. I am confident in my ability to homeschool my children. Before you start thinking I'm an arrogant fool, read why.  :-)

Homeschooling is something God wants me to do. I Thessalonians 5:24 says, "Faithful is he that calleth you, who will also do it."  Whatever God has called us to do, He is completely faithful. He will give us whatever we need to accomplish the tasks He has given us to do for His glory. All the time. Not just when it's easy. Not just when we feel on top of the world. That would be us doing it in our own strength. Ha! I don't know about you, but I almost always fail when I rely on my own strength to do things. Even on those bad days (or bad months), His grace is sufficient for us. His power is made perfect when we are weak. That is when we learn (sometimes slooowly) to rely on His power,not ours. See II Corinthians 12:9.

There are examples that have given me great hope when I needed it. True stories of the "little people" who did great things, things beyond what they could normally do all because of the mighty, powerful God they serve. I serve that same God. So do you, my friend.

I Samuel 17 tells the story of David. Just little David.  Not big, strong, warrior David. Just a little shepherd boy. David was willing to go up against the giant Goliath when all the big, strong warriors were afraid. We find out why here. Read and see the awesomeness that is FAITH. Read and see how David, little untrained David, responded when Saul basically said, "Hey, you're just a little boy. You're not a warrior. You can't do that!"

 I Samuel 17: 34-37

But David said to Saul, “Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, ³⁵ I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. ³⁶ Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. ³⁷ The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”

Saul said to David, “Go, and the Lord be with you.”

Let that soak in for a minute. Ahh, I love it. Here is a person admitting  that he's not really hot stuff when it comes to being a mean, tough warrior. BUT.....but....His God (remember, OUR God) has never let him down before and he's faced some serious hazards here. Hello? The Lord rescued him from a lion and a bear. This boy here knew, he knew his God was faithful. His God was always there. His God's strength was more than enough.

David knew he did nothing by his own strength, that it was by GOD'S power that he could accomplish anything. He knew no earthly weapon could overcome the power of God. 

What giants do you face in your homeschool journey? What giants are you facing in your calling to educate your children at home? Are any of them too big for your God, the same God who David placed his faith in? 

Look at the objections to David: "You're too young. You're not a solider/warrior." Compare it to the objections the enemy throws in our faces to thwart us. "You're not smart enough! You're not a real teacher!" 

God does not sit around calling those who are good enough to get the job done. No, He calls those who will listen, who will hear His voice. Haven't we all heard the saying, "God does not call the equipped, He equips the called." It is so true.   

How about over in 2 Kings 4 where the widow is in trouble. What does Elisha tell her to do? He tells her to do something pretty impossible, doesn't he? (Hint, go over and read the story if you're not familiar with it.) She could have said, "Um, are you crazy? That will never work," but no, she listens and better yet, she acts accordingly. 

Again, God will equip us with everything we need to fulfill what He's called us to do. The sooner we learn to trust in His power rather than our own, the better off we'll be.

Now, let's talk about the BS. The Being Behind Syndrome.  

When I was a newer homeschooling mama, I struggled with the BBS. Right after I removed my children from school, I was pregnant. So my first year homeschooling was spent being pregnant and the second year was spent with a new baby. Fun stuff, I tell ya. 

Slowly, that dirty devil who is the father of all lies started whispering in my ear. "You are behind. The children in school are probably doing x, y, z and you will never catch up. You are ruining your children. It will be all your fault." I struggled because I knew the Lord did not want my children in school. I knew He wanted them home with me. 

Finally, after praying and praying, the Lord spoke to me and said, "You are behind. You are behind Me and that is exactly where I want you. Don't worry about what anyone else is doing. Not to mention, I wanted you to take them out of school so who cares what the school is doing." 

Well then.

When we are behind the Lord, as in following after Him, we are in the best place we can be. We need not worry about anything else. Not a thing. Even when our ways don't look like the Joneses and our children don't look like the Joneses. You see, everything we as believers of Christ do is for His glory. Not ours. His. Most of the time, when mamas are struggling with BBS, it's because of academics. Now, I'm not saying academics aren't important. I'm not saying sit around and watch soap operas every day and who cares 'bout learnin'. (Soaps operas...ok hopefully you don't watch those. That's for another post, LOL!) But academics are second. Teaching our children about God and His ways is first. Until you get this truth down pat, you will ALWAYS feel behind. Since God does everything for His glory, perhaps He will use our child to bring Him glory in an area that is not highly academic. Who knows, right? God already knows. All we have to do is be behind HIM. 

Another common reason we struggle is because of a child who is...how do we say...more difficult. I have one of those. She needs more consistent training/parenting. It's enough to make me wanna pull my hair out at times...until I remember, God knew she would take a lot more time and patience than my other children. He knew this when He called me to homeschool. He wants this child home with me for His glory. I need to constantly rely on His power and not my own. I can do nothing without Him but with Him I can do all things.

Go...be behind! Be behind the One who called you to do the job!  You can do it because nothing is impossible with Him. 

For His glory alone,

genesis

Train up a child...and then what?

Proverbs 22:6 states: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Sounds good. Sounds like a promise, doesn't it? Like a guarantee. "Just do this and TADA godly children!"

I'm sure we all know parents who really did try their best. They were active in church, really loved the Lord, surrounded their children with church friends...did everything "right." And then we were all shocked when their kids walked away from the faith once they were out on their own. What happened? What went wrong and what does that mean for me and my family? I'm doing all I know to do. I thought if I trained up my children in the way they should go, they would not depart from it?

Here's the thing. Some people look at the book of Proverbs like a book full of guaranteed truths, a book full of promises. I don't believe that is so. I think Proverbs is a book chock full of wisdom. It's a book FULL of godly instruction that is wise and true. However, there are exceptions to the outcome of wise sayings meaning, generally speaking, if you train up a child in the way he should go he will not depart from it, but not ALWAYS.  There are godly parent who ARE training up their children in the way they should go, but, you know what? There are also children who are only outwardly adopting their parents' faith while they are within the home. There are children who are not truly followers of Jesus Christ and that's something we don't want to admit. We don't want to admit it because it means it's possible that OUR children are those children! God help us! We don't want that to be the case.

I will tell you what Proverbs 22:6 along with such verses as Deuteronomy 6:7-9 mean to me. They tell me that it's my responsibility to train my children in the ways of the Lord. My husband and I, as followers of Christ Jesus, are responsible for training our children all about God's ways, His Word, how he wants us to live, etc..It's a constant process full of making mistakes, asking forgiveness, offering grace and mercy. It means we make decisions based on how God would have us parent, not what is culturally popular at the moment. In fact, often the way we parent our children is not culturally popular. No matter. God instructs us to do it anyway. It means we aren't just church-goers. It means we LIVE out our beliefs.

Right now, all of our children live at home with our oldest on the brink of legal adulthood. My husband and I are well aware that young adults walk away from a faith they once professed. We are well aware that this happens to even the godliest of parents who really did everything they knew to do. This is why we shouldn't judge peoples' parenting abilities based on how their adult children turn out. Obviously there are some people who did not do as the Bible says to do. Even then, by the grace of God, He swoops down and rescues them from their sin, from their rebellion, from their ignorance. He sure did that with me. I never even knew Easter was really Resurrection Sunday and that Jesus had anything (actually EVERYTHING) to do with it until I was grown. I had no biblical knowledge. No church knowledge, unless you count that people sometimes got married at church.

 Hope is never lost when it comes to the Almighty God we serve. Don't you forget that. I know you are looking at your kids, especially if they are nearing adulthood. You're watching, cringing at certain things maybe, huh? Proud of them at other moments, then wondering the next...."What if?"  Keep on doing what the Word says to do. Keep on "training up" that child in the way he should go. When they get out on their own, they will probably do things a little differently than you do. They will spread their wings. They might (gasp) attend a different church. They might walk away. Who knows? Only God knows this right now. Worrying about this does nothing for you.

  N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

Train up a child in the way he should go and then leave it to God. God sees the work we do. He sees how hard we try, how much we love our children so dearly. He hears our nightly prayers, sometimes full of tears and sobs, "God, please keep watch over my children." He hears. It's like we're begging Him. We don't have to beg. He loves our children and He is sovereign. Everything is under control. 

Right now, my children profess faith in Jesus Christ. Right now, I have what most people consider "good children." (Don't get me wrong, they are well behaved, loving kids, for the most part, but they're human.)

What to do if they DO depart from it? What then? Do we call God a liar? Do we become bitter and say the Bible is full of lies, the Proverbs were wrong? No, of course not. We keep on loving God because He is our FIRST LOVE. We keep on trusting God, knowing He is working everything for our good and that sometimes we can't see His plan unfolding but it's unfolding nevertheless. And we keep on loving those children, too. Always, always loving those children and making sure they know it.

Heavenly Father, we lift our children up to You, entrusting them to You. We thank You for continuing to give us strength and courage and the wisdom it takes to train these children up the way You'd have us do. We pray you fill the hearts of our children with a sincere desire to love you, to know you, to be BOLD Jesus-followers, changing the world for You, Lord. We pray you make sin repulsive to our children and give them eyes set on things of Above. We pray You help our children to be leaders who help their friends forsake the world, repent of sin and follow You. We pray you bring godly friends into the lives our children; friends who will encourage them in their walk with you, not discourage them, not friends who encourage them to sin. We know You love our children and we thank You for loaning them to us for this short time we have here on earth. May our parenting efforts always reflect Your love and  reflect a heart that is obedient to You and Your Word. In Jesus's name we pray, amen.

Friends, I have such a heart for young people. The enemy wants our children. I pray for young people who have no idea I'm praying for them, but the Lord just brings them to mind as I pray. If you have any private, specific requests for your young adults, I would be privileged to lift them up in prayer if you feel like sharing. You can post your requests here in the comments anonymously, or you can fill out the contact form here on my blog. We must intercede and pray for our children now more than ever. We cannot allow the distractions of life to keep us away from this essential obligation.

For His glory alone,
genesis