As mothers, we often look for that, though. This book says to do this, this book says to do that, this article in the homeschooling magazine sounds like this lady really knows what she's talking about and look, her children are all wearing matching outfits, even the young adult children. I MUST do whatever it is she is doing!
Listen, friends, I do not have a fool-proof formula guaranteed to get results or your money back. If I did, I would surely share it with you for free because I hurt when I see children who rebel. I hurt when I hear of a once-lovely church going young lady who totally walked away from her faith once she left home and I hurt for those broken hearted parents who are surely thinking, "Where did we go wrong? If only we had fill in the blank."
And I know what you're thinking..."You're children aren't even grown yet. Why on earth are you writing this? You don't have all the answers." Oh, you are so correct. I certainly don't have all the answers. My children are 4, 12, 15, and 17. All are still living at home. You're right, I don't know what it's like to have an adult child who is legally able to make his or her own decisions.
So let me share with you what I do have and why exactly I felt led to blog about this. :-)
I do have an amazing God, a heavenly Father who has given me His word and His Holy Spirit to guide me in every single thing I do. The Holy Spirit has guided me and my husband to live in such a way that a lot of people might think we are wacky. Or legalistic. Or...I dunno, fill in the blank.
Let's start with this and you are probably familiar with it.
Deuteronomy 11: 18-21
“Therefore
you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul,
and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets
between your eyes. You
shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in
your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you
rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth.One thing I notice about a lot of kids-gone-astray is that the parents always say something like, "But we were a strong, church-going family. We were always active in church and Joey loved youth group." I would like to very gently (as gently as possible and with no condemnation whatsoever) bring up the fact that there are many people who go to church religiously but that doesn't necessarily mean someone is doing the things listed above in that passage in Deuteronomy.
This passage to me says it's not about showing up for church on Sunday. Or Sunday and Wednesday. Think about this, our God is AMAZING! He wants us to teach our children His ways ALL the time, not just during "church time". Our children need to SEE and FEEL our excitement about the Lord! Talk about God, talk about His goodness, tell your children about times when He's helped you overcome something, times He's answered a prayer, or times He didn't answer a prayer the way you wanted and you now see the wisdom in His "no."
So IF there was a formula to follow (and there's not), I believe that might be step one.
TALK ABOUT GOD AND HIS WAYS TO YOUR CHILDREN ALL THE TIME. Talking about God is not just for church time and it's not something you leave for the Pastor or Youth Leader to do. God wants YOU to do it.
Next on the this-isn't-a-foolproof-formula-list....
I have to confess to you that I have lost it at times. I have responded to my children in my flesh. I have yelled. I have acted like a two year old throwing a tantrum. Yes. Me. (hangs head in shame)
Guess what?!?! It's all good! "What is she talking about? How can this all be good?"
God uses me to teach my children about Him even through my shortcomings, my mistakes, my major OOPSIES!
How?
By humbling me to humble myself before my children. By softening my heart because I have sinned against them in my anger, in my impatience, in my irritation. I have had to approach my children, sometimes tearfully, and apologize and seek their forgiveness.
Please, if you are thinking, "Oh now I KNOW you are crazy, girl! I'm the parent and ain't NO WAY I'm asking my child for forgiveness. I'm the parent, they are the child." Please think about that. Is that an attitude of humility? Is that an attitude of wanting to serve and please the Lord? I beg you to rethink whether or not it is really a good idea to hold those kinds of attitudes.
By my humbly apologizing and seeking my child's forgiveness, I am showing them that I, yes, I , their mother, am still only human and capable of sinning. I fall short. But I seek to serve and glorify God in all I do, so when I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I apologize and seek to make the relationship right again. Which brings me to....
Relationships. Admit it, you have, at one time or another worried about what other people thought of you, your family, your parenting styles, your children, etc... Let's let that go. C'mon, deep breathe....let it goooooo.... We are here to please the Lord, not man. Oftentimes when we are pleasing the Lord with the way we live, man does not understand. We might be made fun of or mocked. That is ok. Learn to be ok with that. It's all about Him. It's not about us or others' opinions of us. It's ALL about Jesus Christ the Lord. So let's remember it's about having a relationship with your children even if people think your ways are strange. Listen to your children. Hear them out, listen to their ideas, try to be an encouragement the best way you can.
One last thing on the this-isn't-a-foolproof-formula-list...
It's nice being friends with your children, but don't idolize them. They are not before God. There will be times when we make decisions as their parents that they do not like at all. Maybe they are too young to understand or maybe their flesh is in the way and they just want to do what they want to do even if they know it's not a good idea. I can tell you there is a benefit to standing firm in what God is telling you to do for your family and that is, your children will see that you really place God as number one in your life. They will see that your obedience to Him trumps all and they will see that you don't just talk the talk, you walk the walk even in the face of jeering or adversity. We've had the Holy Spirit guide us to avoid certain things that other Christians partake in. Our children might feel they miss out, however, after reading some movie reviews, they see WHY we do not allow this. Let your children see that you love the Lord enough to obey Him.
I could not post this if I did not say I fully understand that you can do all the "right" things and your children still might rebel and walk away from the faith. I get it. My children are not immune to that. We do the best we can as parents, we listen to the Lord's prompting but our children do grow up into their own adulthood. If you have a child who has walked away from the faith, don't accept defeat. Our God is MIGHTY TO SAVE and don't you ever forget it! I will tell you a private story without names. One child had me on my knees often and I do mean often. There were times I would quietly sneak into said child's room while said child slept and prayed for said child (see how vague I am?) I would pray and cry for said child nearly every night. God finally spoke to me (no, not audibly) and said, "Do you think you love this child more than I do?" and I said, "Well, no Lord, of course not." and He basically said, "Then leave it in my hands. I have plans for this child and you will be amazed at what I have in store for this child." I've been at peace ever since because my God is not a liar. He's got this under control. He's got your situation under control, too, and He loves your children more than you do! Trust Him, walk in His ways, not the ways of the world, abide in Him, teach His ways to your children every chance you get. Then rest in the knowledge that He is sovereign and has this all under control.
God bless you in your parenting journey. It is certainly not an easy task, but I can't think of a greater calling than to be a mother, raising children up in the Lord.
For His glory alone!
genesis
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