What did I learn in 2013?

I am not one to make New Year's Resolutions however I do like to look back on my year to reflect on what I've learned. I can then pray about those things and ask the Lord to help me in those areas.

*I learned that I'm still too trusting and naive. I am thirty-six years old yet I still believe that people who are supposed to be trustworthy and keep things confidential, whether it's because their job title requires them to or because you think they're that close of a friend, still fail. This is not a "poor me" statement. Yes, I've been hurt and betrayed. As sad and disappointed as I was by this, I saw a silver lining in that, I am at a better place in my walk with the Lord. That's not to say I've arrived, not  by any means. There is still much work to be done in me and I know the Lord is faithfully pruning what needs to be pruned in me. But there was a time when I'd be so angry by betrayals of this sort. Now, I feel sorry for this person. Genuinely, not in a sarcastic way. I feel sad that this person should know not to gossip and should know to keep things confidential but this person cannot do so. I know to pray for this person. I look at this person as someone who falls short and needs grace. That is a huge thing! We all need grace! I am actually thankful for this experience and for the way that the Lord is teaching me to have more grace for people. Sure, it hurts, but the lesson must be learned. If I want people to show me grace, I must learn to extend grace to others. That can only happen by them failing me or hurting me in some way. There would be no other way for people to NEED grace so the hurt must occur first.

How will I fix this flaw in myself, this flaw of being too trusting? I don't know. I can't fix me. I will have to keep praying, studying God's Word, and trusting that the Lord is doing a great work in me over time. I wish there was an easy fix, that I could just do x,y, and z and suddenly be very wise and know who to trust but that's not realistic. For now, I know I will be very guarded. Even among people who are supposed to be the most trustworthy. Especially people who are supposed to be most trustworthy. I will keep sharing things with the Lord. He is the only one who will never let us down.

*I learned that I am not the things I was told I am. The Lord is faithfully and patiently working to show me this because when you hear things often, you wonder if there is truth to them. I am an only child. I've heard the, "You're a spoiled only child. You only care about yourself." thing quite a few times in my life. Quite a few times. I've heard some manipulative things from people who acted like my whole existence was due to them and I should bow and worship them forever, no matter what evil things they did to me in return, because I owed them everything. Through personal events, the Lord is showing me that I am not selfish. He's showing me that I absolutely care more about others than myself and that I put others above me, "considering them better than me", if you will.  He is showing me those people lied, they are liars and manipulators. Their words do not define me. Their words do not even come close to describing me. Who knows me better, inside and out, than the Lord? My Lord, who has seen everything I've ever done, every thought I've ever thought and died for me? And loves me? No, I am not defined by what people think. Thank You, Lord, for teaching me THAT. 

*I have learned that God can make an unbearable situation bearable if we trust Him and lean on Him like crazy! No other details about this, but I can't wait to come back in a year and read this to re-evaluate. My God is so faithful!

There are many things I learned this past year and I decided to write about just these few. I am thankful to the Lord for getting me through the year, for never letting me down, for never turning His back on me, for being the One I can count on ALWAYS. I can't imagine how I'd get though life without Him. This new year will bring some changes, it will bring a new season in my life, but I don't have to fear because my God already has things under control and will never leave me. I am His ever grateful servant! <3 

May your 2014 be full of good health, spiritual growth,and blessings in whatever form they may come. Just remember...sometimes they don't look like blessings at first. Trust and have faith.

For His glory alone,
genesis